Alv's Álfheimr

It seems to be boiling down to nothing. It seems far, further and further away. I feel like crying, but I've got no tears. Perhaps if I forget about it, it will not be so bad. Bid it Auf Wiedersehen, and move on, make my life a whole lot easier. Sigh.

I don't know what to say or react. I'm already numb to sorrow, but yet each time it reappears, I surrender unto it, only to be back in agony when it's gone. And over and over again it goes.. I'm so SM aren't I? I'm really getting very tired, but yet the devotion unto it keeps me hanging on. I want to hang on, but I'm really getting tired. It is draining and I can feel that I'm losing my grip. Time and time again, I question myself, is it worth it? So much pain for uncertainty. Is it? I won't know till I find out, but there will probably be nothing left of me by the time I get there.

Sometimes I wish a dagger will just stab me through my heart, or knock me into a coma, so that i won't have to experience the affliction. I really should try and forget about it and hopefully when the time comes, I'll still have the heart for it. But, am I able to? For I have already given so much. Too much to back out, too much to leave behind. Or perhaps I should cut my losses, before there is really nothing left of me.

I don' t know.